So be honest about regret. Perhaps you missed a key trial, or maybe your attitude sucked, and now you regret not being able to be a part of a sport you loved dearly but were too arrogant and immature to grasp the opportunity. Or, perhaps some years back you mistreated someone in a relationship, so much so that you emotionally hurt that person.
Could you get fit, join a team and enjoy the beautiful game in the present? Could you take your son or daughter to games more often and make it something you enjoy as a family? It fills you with sadness that you could be that unkind, that you hurt someone in such a callous way. So why not reach out to that person? Make a phone call or arrange to meet up. Start by saying that you have no agenda, only that you want to apologise; not because it will make everything better or fix what happened, but because you want to admit your wrong doing and offer a genuine apology for the way you acted.
This is about you moving forward, and in time that person will find his or her own pathway past this situation too. We all have regrets, and there will always be times we wish we could turn back the clock and make a change to our actions. The important thing is that we appropriate regret rather than letting it rule our lives. Finding a way to manage the negative impact of regret in my life was not going to be achieved in a day, a week, or even a month.
I decided that I would take one step at a time rather than rush off and look for ways where I would undergo some form of personal transformation in the hope that my regrets would magically disappear. I knew that my regrets were never going to go away. I just had to get better at managing the negative influence they were having on my life. The first step I decided to take was to educate myself about the emotion of regret.
My Encounter With Regret
What I learned from reading various articles and books enabled me to better understand and manage my thoughts and feelings around my regrets in life. Two American psychologists, Neale J.
Roese and Mike Morrison, conducted a National Survey on regret. The results from the survey showed that the six biggest regrets that we have in life are based on education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement, and leisure. Somehow I had created a belief where I thought that by having no regrets I would have a happier life.
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I got it so wrong, and when I read what Neale J Roese said about regret, I realized that regret was actually an important part of my life experience. What I needed to sort out was how to deal with those thoughts and feelings of regret that were having a negative impact on my life. The report on the national survey talked about the Opportunity Principle and how our actions or failure to take action around opportunities in our life can create deep feelings of regret. Another interesting fact about regret is that if an opportunity is denied or never presents itself to you then you are more likely to rationalize these feelings and move on.
However, when you fail to take action when the opportunity presents itself to you then, you are more likely to have deeper feelings of regret. It is these regrets that are more likely to keep you awake at night. By me committing to take action, I now embrace opportunities. I focus on how I choose to respond to the opportunity.
By doing this I started to find that I would spend less time thinking at night about all opportunities that I had failed to take up. The benefit that lost opportunity and regret offer to us is the opportunity to choose to take corrective action. Regret actually serves a purpose in our lives as it can remind us of what we need to do differently to move forward in our lives.
We can choose to take action and create more positive feelings about our actions. When we do this our feelings of regret diminish, and once again, we are less likely to be kept awake playing out scenarios of regret in our head. That is what makes us happy!! Going to bed feeling happy about myself was a key step for me to take control of the feelings of regret that were keeping me awake at night.
Taking action was one key thing that I could do right now that could reduce the negative influence that regret had in my life. If I keep taking action every time an opportunity presents itself to me and not worry about the outcome, the less likely I am to have thoughts of regret.
Regrets are part of life, and the only way they can control our lives is if we let them. The more we think about our regrets the more influence they have over us. Dwelling on our regrets immobilizes us, and we eventually become fearful and unhappy about our lives. Recognize your regrets, acknowledge them, and then leave them.
In this book, Arthur Freeman talks about how regret will quickly disappear once we realize that the situation is done and finished. The secret to dealing with our regret starts at the moment we decide what we are going to do next. It is our attachment to the past that breeds these feelings of regret, and once we let go of the past, we take more control over our future. When you are being kept awake at night by your regrets, you are living your life in the past, and you have no control over the past.
The more you look toward the future, the more control you have over your life. When you are lying in your bed at night, the first thing you do is think of one future opportunity that makes you feel good. Do not go to bed if you cannot think of a future opportunity because, trust me, those regrets will come flooding into your thoughts. Turn your regrets into lessons of learning.
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Put your regrets into context, acknowledge them, and then use them to motivate you to take more positive action. This strategy I have used a lot, and it works. I always wanted to be a writer-speaker and coach, but for many years, I did nothing about it. I would lie awake thinking about my failure to take action, which of course meant that I never did anything about it for years.
Then my parents died suddenly, and my life was thrown into chaos and pain. As I went through the process of healing in my life, I realized that my regrets were not serving me well. In fact, they were preventing me from living the life I desired, and I needed to change that. So started writing with no expectation I just started. Here I sit today writing this article and so thankful that I took a regret and made it work for me. I still do have the occasional sleepless night thinking about what I should have done, but my regrets today are not consuming my life.
I have consistently more good nights sleep now than I had when my regrets controlled me and kept me awake night after night.beta.jennybeaned.com/sitemap6.xml
How to Handle Regret | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA
Life long learning is how you improve as a person, bit by bit and day by day. Life long learners recognize the importance and joy of growth so they never settle for what they currently know and always seek for improvement. Here are 12 habits of people who value lifelong learning have in common — see how many of them you recognize in yourself. Reading is a great way to open up new horizons, train your brain and revolutionize your life. Through reading, you can connect with successful people and learn from the lessons they share. Life long learners love to get lost in books and do it regularly.
Bill Gates knows that reading matters a lot; on his personal blog, he reviews plenty of game-changing books. These are great opportunities to connect with clever and like-minded people and learn from them. Because of the advanced technology, you can now gain knowledge from online programs, starting from coding through self-improvement to programs from top universities. There are literally endless ways to thrive. What life long learners have in common is squeezing as much as possible out of these opportunities.
Instead of spending your free time laying on the couch and watching TV, you prefer doing something creative and practical.